Building Character in my special folks - Resilience

Resilience, the ability to bounce back regardless of failure, get back up and go. It is a much needed character in today's youth, special needs or none.

Back in the days when Singapore was a third world country with few natural resources of her own and many of her people lacking in education and skills, there were plenty of opportunities for children to learn to be resilient. They had to find their own ways and means to entertain themselves. Money was scarce, so they walked miles home if they wanted to spend that precious five cents on an ice ball.

I learnt through that path of having little and working hard for my possessions. Hence I am never afraid of falling down the ladder back to square one, as in the game of Snake and Ladder. Likewise for my son. We are satisfied with just two good home-cooked meals a day and be thankful for whatever else that comes along.

My personal experience teaching a son with Attention Deficit Disorder includes resigning from a well-paying job to teach him personally. Hence the experience garnered here. We tried again and again, at various topics, using various methods, until he mastered them. After every failed assessment, we gave ourselves a break, and got back to the grind again.

Tired out one day, I told him, "Boy, you had better pray for new brain cells." Following that, his bedtime prayer included imploring for new brain cells. God always answers a humble heart. The first item on his Thanksgiving list was for new brain cells, and that sent his Sunday School teacher scuttling to me after lessons. I patiently explained that his new brain cells got him his first pass in Mathematics that year.

The death of the first Prime Minister of Singapore Mr Lee Kuan Yew revealed many lessons on resilience from his private and public lives. In his August 8 1972 National Day Speech, he said, "A faint hearted people would have given up long ago. We never gave in, never mind giving up. For that alone, we deserve to succeed. If we press on, in twenty years we shall build a great metropolis, worthy of a hardy, resilient and stout-hearted people."

This is resilience unpacked in the form of an acrostic poem:

Resist failures

Exercise self-control

Study why I failed to succeed

Improve over and over again

Let the consequences roll

Improvise new methods to do things

Excuse no bad choices

Never give up attitude

Continue through tears

Exercise an attitude of humility in success

So help your child to

* view failures as paths for future success

* lose a battle but not the war

* learn to take hard knocks in daily life

* stand up to bullies

* recover from various types of losses

* live and survive in unsafe neighbourhoods

* face life challenges squarely in the face

* be alone but never lonely

* be thankful for everything in life

Resilience will soon be a way of life and not a struggle to achieve.

ADHD? Me... or you?

I am glad that I was not born in the era or in a country in which ADHD or autism became hot terms in a psychiatric ward. Hence my condition was self-diagnosed a few years back.

Would it help me to have a clinical diagnosis done? I think not, as it would still depend on me to accept special me and cope with it as much as I could on my own. Hence I treat my condition as I would any other deficit or weakness - identify its strengths, areas for improvement and act on them. I also would not use it as an excuse for any behaviour or misbehaviour of mine.

As I move on in life, I discover that in any organisation, 10%-20% of the members will be your ardent followers, another 10%-20% your pain and the rest somewhere in between. Hence there is no need for me to feel unduly perturbed when things go wrong in relationships.

I have God on my side. He is my maker - let Him be my only judge. Hence I am normally unfazed by whatever wickedness fired at me as I sink my feet deeper into my Rock because since I was first acquainted with Him in a private church nursery singing the song 'Jesus Loves Me', His watchful shepherding eyes have been on me.

Being endowed with ADHD does not faze me anymore. My nation's founding father survived Dyslexia and made the best use of its unusual neurological effects. I will do the same with my condition.

ADHD is unfortunately termed a disorder. As in the preceding paragraph, I would prefer to call it a condition. It just enables my neurological make-up to mobilise much faster than a so-called normal person's, and enables me to join the dots where others are not able to. When I stopped fighting it, I started loving myself and accepted God's unconditional love for me.

Before 2007, I had come across conditions such as ADHD, Autism and Dyslexia and I have developed unique tools to meet their needs. It was with appreciation to a Principal in my son's second Primary School that I came to terms that my son had special learning needs and that I had made the right decision resigning from my rigorous job to homeschool him. I have no regrets in resigning a second time now, to guide him through his second national examinations.

Now some seven years since then, I have acquired more knowledge and practical skills handling myself, my son and thus other folks with special conditions. This second resignation affords me the time to explore my interests and spearhead projects to help folks with special conditions become as independent as my son and me, and yet learn interdependent social skills prevalent in today's world.

So follow me here to find out my latest ventures and here for my experiences turning kids with special needs into kids with special gifts.