Dear Torey,
Though I know it's just a pen name, I've known you by that for so long that it's difficult for me to call you by your real name. Of course, now that I know what your real name is, Torey doesn't come short of it.
I am writing this open letter to thank you for sharing your insight into helping special folks. May you be blessed for blessing so many special folks, and inspiring many others to do the same.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Thursday, May 14, 2015
A Special Guy
Sony (not his real name, of course) was in his mid-thirties when I first met him. We had to find a partner to do something, and as he was sitting next to me, I turned to him. He was frozen white - his pale complexion even more pallid in the yellow light. Immediately, I told him that I would pray and he would just agree with whatever I said.
After the worship, I learnt more about him and introduced him to more people around us. I got his contact as I was intrigued in how he, an Aspie, managed to learn and talk to others. I had shadowed a student throughout his years in Primary School, and other than the years that I taught him, he had never spoken anything else. Nonetheless I had heard this former student speak normally to his mother before while I was in a telephone conversation with her. My suspicion was then that folks with Asperger Syndrome are also able to display traits of selective mutism because they are highly intelligent and gifted, as well as able to control themselves extremely well.
The next few months of texting over WhatsApp revealed an intriguing and sympathetic tale. Being the chairperson of the Special Needs Ministry, immediately I connected with folks that could support him and help him grow in our community.
Knowing him also resulted in new vocabulary that I would use to describe behaviours in my special folks and strategies that I would use to help them overcome their fears. To prevent him from scooting, for example, we would seat Sony in between folks that he was comfortable with. He would not be able to get up and get out of an unfamiliar situation.
Being with Sony can swing either ways. Temperamental due to his family background, I had to be very careful in interpreting his text messages, often rewording them to mean what I think he wanted to say. I gradually learnt to give him space and sign out of chats when I sensed that he was in one of his moods. Doing that deprived him of venting negatively on the wrong person and also preserved my sanity because I had several other contacts that could send my nerves in a knot.
I do not need a physical count in my Ministry where co-workers are concerned. I always believe in breaking down walls of communication and training my community to embrace my special folks. In fact, the best therapy, I realised, is to get my special folks involved in helping other special folks. Hence the more able of my special folks are able to lead other less able special folks within sight of the regular co-workers. Sony is a great help in some aspects. By helping out in those defined aspects, he is in fact honing his own abilities to help himself and his family members, as well as help other special folks in gaining more independence. It becomes a win-win situation for all. It becomes a great way of integrating special folks in the community at large. By inviting church groups into our activities, the community is also exposed to ways of helping my special folks settle down more comfortably in church.
Nobody is perfect whether we fall under the category of 'normal' or 'special' folks. The joy comes in seeing walls broken down between both groups and seeing my special folks gain skills where once they were not evident.
After the worship, I learnt more about him and introduced him to more people around us. I got his contact as I was intrigued in how he, an Aspie, managed to learn and talk to others. I had shadowed a student throughout his years in Primary School, and other than the years that I taught him, he had never spoken anything else. Nonetheless I had heard this former student speak normally to his mother before while I was in a telephone conversation with her. My suspicion was then that folks with Asperger Syndrome are also able to display traits of selective mutism because they are highly intelligent and gifted, as well as able to control themselves extremely well.
The next few months of texting over WhatsApp revealed an intriguing and sympathetic tale. Being the chairperson of the Special Needs Ministry, immediately I connected with folks that could support him and help him grow in our community.
Knowing him also resulted in new vocabulary that I would use to describe behaviours in my special folks and strategies that I would use to help them overcome their fears. To prevent him from scooting, for example, we would seat Sony in between folks that he was comfortable with. He would not be able to get up and get out of an unfamiliar situation.
Being with Sony can swing either ways. Temperamental due to his family background, I had to be very careful in interpreting his text messages, often rewording them to mean what I think he wanted to say. I gradually learnt to give him space and sign out of chats when I sensed that he was in one of his moods. Doing that deprived him of venting negatively on the wrong person and also preserved my sanity because I had several other contacts that could send my nerves in a knot.
I do not need a physical count in my Ministry where co-workers are concerned. I always believe in breaking down walls of communication and training my community to embrace my special folks. In fact, the best therapy, I realised, is to get my special folks involved in helping other special folks. Hence the more able of my special folks are able to lead other less able special folks within sight of the regular co-workers. Sony is a great help in some aspects. By helping out in those defined aspects, he is in fact honing his own abilities to help himself and his family members, as well as help other special folks in gaining more independence. It becomes a win-win situation for all. It becomes a great way of integrating special folks in the community at large. By inviting church groups into our activities, the community is also exposed to ways of helping my special folks settle down more comfortably in church.
Nobody is perfect whether we fall under the category of 'normal' or 'special' folks. The joy comes in seeing walls broken down between both groups and seeing my special folks gain skills where once they were not evident.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Building Character in my special folks - Resilience
Resilience, the ability to bounce back regardless of failure, get back up and go. It is a much needed character in today's youth, special needs or none.
Back in the days when Singapore was a third world country with few natural resources of her own and many of her people lacking in education and skills, there were plenty of opportunities for children to learn to be resilient. They had to find their own ways and means to entertain themselves. Money was scarce, so they walked miles home if they wanted to spend that precious five cents on an ice ball.
I learnt through that path of having little and working hard for my possessions. Hence I am never afraid of falling down the ladder back to square one, as in the game of Snake and Ladder. Likewise for my son. We are satisfied with just two good home-cooked meals a day and be thankful for whatever else that comes along.
My personal experience teaching a son with Attention Deficit Disorder includes resigning from a well-paying job to teach him personally. Hence the experience garnered here. We tried again and again, at various topics, using various methods, until he mastered them. After every failed assessment, we gave ourselves a break, and got back to the grind again.
Tired out one day, I told him, "Boy, you had better pray for new brain cells." Following that, his bedtime prayer included imploring for new brain cells. God always answers a humble heart. The first item on his Thanksgiving list was for new brain cells, and that sent his Sunday School teacher scuttling to me after lessons. I patiently explained that his new brain cells got him his first pass in Mathematics that year.
The death of the first Prime Minister of Singapore Mr Lee Kuan Yew revealed many lessons on resilience from his private and public lives. In his August 8 1972 National Day Speech, he said, "A faint hearted people would have given up long ago. We never gave in, never mind giving up. For that alone, we deserve to succeed. If we press on, in twenty years we shall build a great metropolis, worthy of a hardy, resilient and stout-hearted people."
This is resilience unpacked in the form of an acrostic poem:
Resist failures
Exercise self-control
Study why I failed to succeed
Improve over and over again
Let the consequences roll
Improvise new methods to do things
Excuse no bad choices
Never give up attitude
Continue through tears
Exercise an attitude of humility in success
So help your child to
* view failures as paths for future success
* lose a battle but not the war
* learn to take hard knocks in daily life
* stand up to bullies
* recover from various types of losses
* live and survive in unsafe neighbourhoods
* face life challenges squarely in the face
* be alone but never lonely
* be thankful for everything in life
Resilience will soon be a way of life and not a struggle to achieve.
Friday, April 3, 2015
ADHD? Me... or you?
I am glad that I was not born in the era or in a country in which ADHD or autism became hot terms in a psychiatric ward. Hence my condition was self-diagnosed a few years back.
Would it help me to have a clinical diagnosis done? I think not, as it would still depend on me to accept special me and cope with it as much as I could on my own. Hence I treat my condition as I would any other deficit or weakness - identify its strengths, areas for improvement and act on them. I also would not use it as an excuse for any behaviour or misbehaviour of mine.
As I move on in life, I discover that in any organisation, 10%-20% of the members will be your ardent followers, another 10%-20% your pain and the rest somewhere in between. Hence there is no need for me to feel unduly perturbed when things go wrong in relationships.
I have God on my side. He is my maker - let Him be my only judge. Hence I am normally unfazed by whatever wickedness fired at me as I sink my feet deeper into my Rock because since I was first acquainted with Him in a private church nursery singing the song 'Jesus Loves Me', His watchful shepherding eyes have been on me.
Being endowed with ADHD does not faze me anymore. My nation's founding father survived Dyslexia and made the best use of its unusual neurological effects. I will do the same with my condition.
ADHD is unfortunately termed a disorder. As in the preceding paragraph, I would prefer to call it a condition. It just enables my neurological make-up to mobilise much faster than a so-called normal person's, and enables me to join the dots where others are not able to. When I stopped fighting it, I started loving myself and accepted God's unconditional love for me.
Before 2007, I had come across conditions such as ADHD, Autism and Dyslexia and I have developed unique tools to meet their needs. It was with appreciation to a Principal in my son's second Primary School that I came to terms that my son had special learning needs and that I had made the right decision resigning from my rigorous job to homeschool him. I have no regrets in resigning a second time now, to guide him through his second national examinations.
Now some seven years since then, I have acquired more knowledge and practical skills handling myself, my son and thus other folks with special conditions. This second resignation affords me the time to explore my interests and spearhead projects to help folks with special conditions become as independent as my son and me, and yet learn interdependent social skills prevalent in today's world.
So follow me here to find out my latest ventures and here for my experiences turning kids with special needs into kids with special gifts.
As I move on in life, I discover that in any organisation, 10%-20% of the members will be your ardent followers, another 10%-20% your pain and the rest somewhere in between. Hence there is no need for me to feel unduly perturbed when things go wrong in relationships.
I have God on my side. He is my maker - let Him be my only judge. Hence I am normally unfazed by whatever wickedness fired at me as I sink my feet deeper into my Rock because since I was first acquainted with Him in a private church nursery singing the song 'Jesus Loves Me', His watchful shepherding eyes have been on me.
Being endowed with ADHD does not faze me anymore. My nation's founding father survived Dyslexia and made the best use of its unusual neurological effects. I will do the same with my condition.
ADHD is unfortunately termed a disorder. As in the preceding paragraph, I would prefer to call it a condition. It just enables my neurological make-up to mobilise much faster than a so-called normal person's, and enables me to join the dots where others are not able to. When I stopped fighting it, I started loving myself and accepted God's unconditional love for me.
Before 2007, I had come across conditions such as ADHD, Autism and Dyslexia and I have developed unique tools to meet their needs. It was with appreciation to a Principal in my son's second Primary School that I came to terms that my son had special learning needs and that I had made the right decision resigning from my rigorous job to homeschool him. I have no regrets in resigning a second time now, to guide him through his second national examinations.
Now some seven years since then, I have acquired more knowledge and practical skills handling myself, my son and thus other folks with special conditions. This second resignation affords me the time to explore my interests and spearhead projects to help folks with special conditions become as independent as my son and me, and yet learn interdependent social skills prevalent in today's world.
So follow me here to find out my latest ventures and here for my experiences turning kids with special needs into kids with special gifts.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Lee Kuan Yew.... special needs.... or special gifts?
I smiled as I heard that the founding father of Singapore, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, loved an uncluttered desk to work on. I understand where that came from.
I have a neurological make-up that is unlike others too, and an empty table, at least within an angular scope of 150 degrees with my nose as the vertex, on which to put the material I need, works best for me.
Mr Lee has no doubt made the best use of what others call, out of ignorance, a disorder. The brain that caused him to see floating, reversed lettering also enabled him to connect the dots differently.
Like all other areas of weaknesses, Mr Lee had learnt to harness the best of Dyslexia and manage the excess neurological activities to execute the best in everything he did.
Although there is little correlation between Dyslexia and intelligence, the fact that Mr. Lee had overcome his difficulties showed that he had the intelligence to cope with his so-called setback.
I have a neurological make-up that is unlike others too, and an empty table, at least within an angular scope of 150 degrees with my nose as the vertex, on which to put the material I need, works best for me.
Mr Lee has no doubt made the best use of what others call, out of ignorance, a disorder. The brain that caused him to see floating, reversed lettering also enabled him to connect the dots differently.
Like all other areas of weaknesses, Mr Lee had learnt to harness the best of Dyslexia and manage the excess neurological activities to execute the best in everything he did.
Although there is little correlation between Dyslexia and intelligence, the fact that Mr. Lee had overcome his difficulties showed that he had the intelligence to cope with his so-called setback.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Who on Earth is Torey Hayden?
You may never find the Torey Hayden that you think I am referring to even if you could find someone by that name.
The truth is that Torey Hayden is the pen name of a special lady who has been working with children with special needs.
I stumbled upon books by Torey Hayden the first time I threw in the towel to spend more time with my son who was struggling in the academics.
I had gone to the public library to read up books on Autism and the likes, and spotted one of the books that Torey had written. I could not put that book down. The hours flew by and soon it was time to pick up my son from school.
Although Torey gave her characters fictitious names, like her, each name represented a real person who had lived on the face of the Earth. Each of her characters had lived, and fought to overcome their special needs.
Torey inspired me in another way. She had the power of the pen. As a beginning writer, her books honed me in two directions - my writing style as well as my skills in ministering to children with special needs.
As a prolific reader and thinker, I read between the lines and picked up principles in helping folks with special needs.
Torey is a remarkable writer. Her characters seem to leap out of her books. Sometimes I would be able to envisage myself as a silent observer in the very classroom that she shares with a character. I want to be like her in both areas - a great writer as well as an effective teacher of children with special needs.
It has been eleven years since I embarked on this special journey. I do not regret a single moment of it. I relish every moment that God has given me to write and to meet and minister to His special kids. Torey has inspired and enhanced my life in tgis journey. I suppose I will never meet her in person. I would like to thank her with this tribute. Thank you, Torey Hayden. You have made every special life count.
Torey is a remarkable writer. Her characters seem to leap out of her books. Sometimes I would be able to envisage myself as a silent observer in the very classroom that she shares with a character. I want to be like her in both areas - a great writer as well as an effective teacher of children with special needs.
It has been eleven years since I embarked on this special journey. I do not regret a single moment of it. I relish every moment that God has given me to write and to meet and minister to His special kids. Torey has inspired and enhanced my life in tgis journey. I suppose I will never meet her in person. I would like to thank her with this tribute. Thank you, Torey Hayden. You have made every special life count.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Special Me
We are all unique beings. God created us to be so. Fortunately, so that we do not have the exact likes of infamous people roaming the Earth.
And unfortunately so, because we would never have another great leader like the former Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew, who passed away on 23 March 2015 some 5 months before Singapore's 50th year of independence.
Nobody but my maternal grandmother and I have a mole on our chin, mine being on the right, just below the corner of my lips. And it just dawned on me that my grandfather probably remembered her every Chinese New Year he touched mine.
The year he didn't touch my mole was the year he passed on. I had lived over a decade in guilt that I had deprived him of seeing his lucky mole for the last time. He died a few days later.
My guilt was finally liberated a week ago during a discussion about babes and the superbug with an uncle. Had I known that another ill uncle had visited him, I would not have stayed away due to the common cold. Gran had pneumonia anyway, and it was probably a matter of time.
Since then, I have fallen back on the age-old remedy of freshly squeezed lemon juice whenever the slightest hint of the Influenza bug hits my nose or throat. With many of my mother's siblings being in their 70s and 80s, I would never want to shy away from a visit due to the superbug.
What makes me unique too, is that I have a love-hate relationship with ADHD. However, I have resolved to NEVER use it as an excuse or explanation for things that did not go right.
Being intimately associated with ADHD also helped me understand how Jesus can make good that seeming disorder. Because of my unique neurological connections, I am able to devise successful strategies to help others with learning needs be the best that they can be.
Mr. Lee could overcome the negative traits of Dyslexia to become world best at thinking. I may not have reached, or ever could reach, the IQ that he has, but nothing can prevent me from being the special me that God has created me to be.
And unfortunately so, because we would never have another great leader like the former Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew, who passed away on 23 March 2015 some 5 months before Singapore's 50th year of independence.
Nobody but my maternal grandmother and I have a mole on our chin, mine being on the right, just below the corner of my lips. And it just dawned on me that my grandfather probably remembered her every Chinese New Year he touched mine.
The year he didn't touch my mole was the year he passed on. I had lived over a decade in guilt that I had deprived him of seeing his lucky mole for the last time. He died a few days later.
My guilt was finally liberated a week ago during a discussion about babes and the superbug with an uncle. Had I known that another ill uncle had visited him, I would not have stayed away due to the common cold. Gran had pneumonia anyway, and it was probably a matter of time.
Since then, I have fallen back on the age-old remedy of freshly squeezed lemon juice whenever the slightest hint of the Influenza bug hits my nose or throat. With many of my mother's siblings being in their 70s and 80s, I would never want to shy away from a visit due to the superbug.
What makes me unique too, is that I have a love-hate relationship with ADHD. However, I have resolved to NEVER use it as an excuse or explanation for things that did not go right.
Being intimately associated with ADHD also helped me understand how Jesus can make good that seeming disorder. Because of my unique neurological connections, I am able to devise successful strategies to help others with learning needs be the best that they can be.
Mr. Lee could overcome the negative traits of Dyslexia to become world best at thinking. I may not have reached, or ever could reach, the IQ that he has, but nothing can prevent me from being the special me that God has created me to be.
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