Building Character in my special folks - Resilience

Resilience, the ability to bounce back regardless of failure, get back up and go. It is a much needed character in today's youth, special needs or none.

Back in the days when Singapore was a third world country with few natural resources of her own and many of her people lacking in education and skills, there were plenty of opportunities for children to learn to be resilient. They had to find their own ways and means to entertain themselves. Money was scarce, so they walked miles home if they wanted to spend that precious five cents on an ice ball.

I learnt through that path of having little and working hard for my possessions. Hence I am never afraid of falling down the ladder back to square one, as in the game of Snake and Ladder. Likewise for my son. We are satisfied with just two good home-cooked meals a day and be thankful for whatever else that comes along.

My personal experience teaching a son with Attention Deficit Disorder includes resigning from a well-paying job to teach him personally. Hence the experience garnered here. We tried again and again, at various topics, using various methods, until he mastered them. After every failed assessment, we gave ourselves a break, and got back to the grind again.

Tired out one day, I told him, "Boy, you had better pray for new brain cells." Following that, his bedtime prayer included imploring for new brain cells. God always answers a humble heart. The first item on his Thanksgiving list was for new brain cells, and that sent his Sunday School teacher scuttling to me after lessons. I patiently explained that his new brain cells got him his first pass in Mathematics that year.

The death of the first Prime Minister of Singapore Mr Lee Kuan Yew revealed many lessons on resilience from his private and public lives. In his August 8 1972 National Day Speech, he said, "A faint hearted people would have given up long ago. We never gave in, never mind giving up. For that alone, we deserve to succeed. If we press on, in twenty years we shall build a great metropolis, worthy of a hardy, resilient and stout-hearted people."

This is resilience unpacked in the form of an acrostic poem:

Resist failures

Exercise self-control

Study why I failed to succeed

Improve over and over again

Let the consequences roll

Improvise new methods to do things

Excuse no bad choices

Never give up attitude

Continue through tears

Exercise an attitude of humility in success

So help your child to

* view failures as paths for future success

* lose a battle but not the war

* learn to take hard knocks in daily life

* stand up to bullies

* recover from various types of losses

* live and survive in unsafe neighbourhoods

* face life challenges squarely in the face

* be alone but never lonely

* be thankful for everything in life

Resilience will soon be a way of life and not a struggle to achieve.